Mumbai Local Chronicles

Every morning, a ritual ensues. The walk to the station is like a carefully choreographed dance - matching step for step, careful not to bump, dodging every unsought contact, flowing in harmony with the crowd. Calculating every move, carefully maneuvering your way ahead.

Finally you reach the holy grounds (read platform). You wait for the train to arrive, carefully sizing up your competitors. They come in all shapes and sizes with varied degree of makeup/strength. Too many middle aged ladies are the toughest, hardened by experience; even the smallest of them could easily slam dunk you and beat you to the door.

As the train approaches you carefully inch closer to the edge of the platform, heart beating, palms sweating, beads of perspiration forming on your upper lips. Nope its not love, it's only the approaching train. As the train slows gradually these expert stunt women jump into the still moving train with sleek cat like precision. You also try to clamber in but more often than not you literally have to go with the flow and are involuntarily pushed inside the train.

Once inside you suddenly feel like you have entered a Nazi torture chamber. You feel claustrophobic. You are squeezed and touched in every possible manner, yet you are miles away from any pleasure. Then the hunt for a place to park your bum begins, you dart from one seat to another tapping and poking women with eyebrows raised in a question mark – which translates to  “ Where are you getting off?” They will in turn either shrug their shoulders to say that the seats already taken or shake their heads saying they’re not getting off anywhere soon. One of the advantages of this is that you become a pro at sign language and lip reading. The shoulder tapping tradition is the necessary evil, especially if you’re at the receiving end. People don’t care if you’re sleeping, reading or talking on the phone, they will tap you to death if you don’t answer them. Women start eyeing potential nearest possible evacuation. Eyes sharp as hawk, quick to catch any sudden movement. Any lady touches her purse, adjusts her saree or so much as heaves a sigh; people are quick to attack – kuthe Utraiche? Followed by mala deya.  

The ordeal does not end here, there is a hierarchy even when it comes to the sitting, only the very lucky privileged starting station ladies will get the most coveted window seat, after that it’s all struggle for existence and survival of the fittest theory.. In this manner you secure a fourth seat after 2 stations if you’re very lucky.Three women sitting on a seat where 4 medium sized women can easily fit will move all hell if you ask them to scoot a bit. Women spreading their legs so wide, if they put in half as much effort at home they wouldn’t be so cranky in the first place. After some loud complaining groans and grunts they will pick up their bum and place it right back where it was just giving you 4 centimetres of butt space where you barely fit a square inch of your bum. You have to try and fit yourself in that small excuse of a seat. But the magic of it all is that no matter how small that seat is, you will never fall off. These fourth seaters defy all forces of gravity. The natural forces around you (read women standing too close for comfort all around) will ensure that you’re firmly held in place. In return they will only use your shoulder as an arm or bag rest.

Once you have settled in you look around to see so many faces, so many stories, old wrinkly women, little playful kids, young girls, some smiling, some frowning, you see plain looking nymphet’s turning into beautiful butterflies – But that again is another story for another day.

Heartbreak Central - The Playlist

Who hasn’t had their hearts ripped off from their chests and tap danced upon? At least one break up? No?
Well I have, countless times. Fell in love, had the heart broken and fell in love again..all through the journey I always had a background music on.  Music = life. There’s a song for every occasion remember?
I’m that way; I always need to have a background score playing at the back of my mind depending on the situation. 

Here’s a list of my breakup to makeup and go songs. Add to that a stack of tissues and some comfort food and you're sorted.

It all begins with that horrible moment when it actually happens, you spend hours discussing it, shedding tears and promising to remain good friends (which by the way never happens) and you come home to – End of the world by Skeeter Davis:
The voice is hers but the words are yours – 
“Why does the sun go on shining? Why does the sea rush to shore? Don’t they know it’s the end of the world cause you don’t love me anymore…”

Or in case it’s an ugly break up, you’d be most likely to sing Christina Perri’s – Jar of broken hearts: 

But no matter what kind of breakup it is, the next stage is almost always spent reminiscing about the together times and missing the good old days…"I'm at a payphone trying to call home, All of my change I spent on you. Where have the times gone, baby it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two?”

Then after days of hoping, wishing and waiting when you realize that your love is not coming back, you slowly and cautiously take your first steps towards healing, but it’s not easy, they are happy you are lonely.You think you’re strong, but you’re not that strong…What do you do? You do what humans do best, try and find everything that was wrong with them, find a way to place the blame on the other and somehow feel lighter. Then what do you do? You sing a soft country ballad like "You left me, just when I needed you most”

Or, if you prefer to make is classy and jazzy you could do a Michael Bublé and listen to “You must have been kissing a fool”

And then you think of all the sacrifices you made for them and getting nothing in return and you sometimes feel violated and used (The momentary self pity phase, if you may please). You know how you would do anything for them – Catch a grenade, jump in front of the train but they would never do that for you.
Bruno Mars got it all figured out in this song:

Okay, now that all the blame has been appropriately placed, you start feeling a lot better and stronger and what better way to celebrate then to croon to I will survive by Gloria Gaynor – The best feel good after break up song ever – her strong voice will instantly lift you to a state of feathery lightness..I love the way she goes- 

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong

And I grew strong and I learned how to get along
And now you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I'd've known for just one second you'd back to bother me
Go on now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
('cause) you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Do you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I. I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive;
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive,
I will survive.”

 

Or if you prefer – Nah! By Shania Twain that shouts attitude with capital A
“That's it! (That's all!) We had fun! (We had a ball!) It was good while it lasted--but now I'm past it
(It was sure!) It was sweet!
Sure you swept me off my feet
I miss you now and then,
but would I do it all again—Nah”

Then finally just like that one fine morning you wake up and realize that you're hot. You're sexy and you don't give a damn.

Now you don’t need anyone else to make you feel complete, you take the reins of your happiness in your own hand and ride in style just until about you turn the next corner and fall head first in love again.

Tell Me What's Your Flavor?

I'm happy to announce that I finally found my favorite flavor in the world. :) Yes, there is such a thing as 'favorite flavor' (*rolling eyes*).

It was one of those days when you wake up hungry and don't have nothing to gobble. Even grabbing a bite required efforts. So ignoring the protesting rats in my tummy I went in the kitchen and threw something together in flat 6 mins and 37 secs. My taste buds have been dancing Polka ever since. 

Salt pepper sausages in butter

Ingredients

Sausages (prefer the cheese onion sausages)

1 medium onion

1tablespoon butter

Pinch of pepper

Salt according to taste

Defrost the sausages. 

Roughly chop the onion.

Heat butter in a pan and add the onions, cook in medium heat until slightly translucent. Then add the sausages and cook on high flame until it turns delightfully golden.

Add salt and pepper and server hot.

Its an amazing starter or a whole meal, if you should like it too much.

Go see them movies: Men in Black 3

This is coming from someone who has not seen either one of the prequels of the movie. Don’t roll your eyes, not everyone finds hideous aliens and 2 men in black appealing.
Well I went to watch the movie with absolutely zero expectations, just because I promised a friend and couldn’t really back out. He was quite excited about it. As for me I thought well I could catch up on some much needed sleep meanwhile.
However, it was not to be. *Sighs* The movie opened to the escape of an especially hideous and evil alien ‘Boris the Animal’ from the LunarMax prison on moon. Borris was arrested by agent K way back in 1969 after shooting off one of his arms.  I was hooked from there on.
After escaping Borris travels back in time to kill agent K before he takes his arm. Realizing what has happened K follows Borris back in time. Meanwhile, all trace of K disappears. No one except agent J can remember K. With the help of the new chief agent O, agent J time jumps to stop Borris and save K’s life. Quite melodramatic, but I guess that’s what held the interest for the rest of the movie.
What follows is an amusive tale of chase and run where ultimately like all happy movies nobody dies and good prevails.
What’s remarkable though is the fact that the director Barry Sonnenfeld manages to hold the interest of the viewers even through a seemingly ordinary plot. The plot is finely meshed together, the whole time travel thing comes off quite clean and there is no confusion in the scenes.
The cast supports the story perfectly. Will Smith true to his style gets jiggy with it. He is easily the hero of the film, the most human of them all. He brings a sort of freshness to the whole story. Older Tommy Lee Jones is well, there. But the surprise element was the younger agent K. Josh Brolin who looks dashing and crisp in his black suit. One character that I found particularly endearing was that of the Griffin – the future seeing alien. Michael Stuhlbarg plays the part beautifully with his cute smile and big innocent eyes.
And if this doesn’t impress you, they got Lady Gaga to finally confess her true identity to the world. She plays an alien and you can spot her for almost about a whole 2 seconds on screen. So much for screen presence. Then there’s the sexy Nicole Scherzinger, strutting her stuff to save her boyfriend. The only really ewwww moment in the film was that yucky French kiss between the two.
Overall a fun movie, definitely none of those grotesque aliens that you generally see in movies with extra terrestrial beings. The action-comedy flick definitely gets a thumbs up from me. Oh! Just one piece of advice though, it looks best in a huge screen (not downloaded on your laptop) and go 3D.

Candid Confessions1: I love Mika Singh

Years ago a dirty looking dude, with messy hair and nasal twang hit the music scene with a number -'Sawan mein lag gayi aag'. It didn't have many takers and slowly faded away, but while it was breathing its last it left a gentle impression on my adolescent mind. There were many reasons for it, nostalgia being the foremost. In school, my friend had a funny way of signing this song. Every free period would be graced by a performance by the friend who would get under a dupatta and sing through her nose - sawan mein lag gayi aag, dil mera poooooo (which went on for quite sometime).

Then some more years later, this man, now identified as the famous Daler Mahendi's brother came out with a couple of more songs like'Something something' which were conveniently forgotten. But for some reason he was still thought of with fond memories.

Then happened the infamous Rakhi Sawant scene ( a match made in heaven I say) and couple more songs hit the discs like Ye bhai tune..

I think about the same time I heard the song 'Ganpat'. Loved it for some reason. It stuck and that's when I started taking this guy a bit more seriously.

Then there was no looking back. A string of hits followed, most of them with a nice desi beat and Mika's unconventional daal-roti voice. Some of my favorites were 'Talli' from Ugly aur Pagli, Ibn a batuta from Ishqiya - a beautiful song and Dhanno..loved them all. Finally the recent favorite 'Tu mera hero'. I loved Mika through it all.

Then a couple of days back, on a long drive to Pune, some friends and I were listening to Mika songs in the car and professing my love for him when we saw a sexy Hummar pass by. When we stopped for snacks at Lonavla the sexy beast stopped right in front of us. And just like that as if out of a dream who should appear but Mika...it was truly a jaw dropping moment. My heart was beating like the wings of a bumble bee and my knees went weak, I guess it was contagious coz all my friends were equally excited.

Like all loyal fans we asked for a photograph which was graciously given...He spoke in a strong Punjabi accent- "Yaha rotti dal kaha milegi?" He asked. It was truly an amazing experience and only the people who were there that night can tell you what it actually felt like.

P.S. Even Mika wouldn’t mean anything if I didn’t share this with people who mean the world to me. To friends. To Mika. Cheers!!